The Grand Merton CC T20 Tri-Series!

Ah yes, the world of Sunday recreational cricket...it is a world of nailed-on lbw's never given, despite the ball hitting the pads right in front of all three stumps, normally because the umpire is sweating on a lift back home from the batsman, who also happens to be the club chairman; a world of fixtures booked on the premise of  "we're a really weak team, nice sociable bunch", only to find you've been ambushed into playing their psychopathic Saturday League XI containing a Kiwi overseas player, who promptly annihilates your 50 year-old/ 14 year-old bowlers for five fours an over for two hours; a world of rheumy-eyed, octogenarian umpires with arthritic trigger fingers, whose attempt to scratch their noses coincides with an appeal from the wicket-keeper and hey, ho, you're out; a world of handing over £50 for teas, only to receive about £15 worth of prepared food, including a solitary packet of Chewits to be shared amongst your team; a world of 'clubhouses' that look like the inside of Robben Island (as it is now), that make you dread inspecting the toilet in case you discover a 100 year-old with a shaggy white beard and a loin cloth chained to the wall - and, by the way, there's no running water or tea-making facilities, and it just happens to be the hottest Sunday of the year. The final terror? Your phone going off at 10pm on a Saturday night. No, it won't be anyone inviting you down the pub for a swift pint or two, and it won't be a booty call, either: it's the sound of one of your players crying off, giving you thirteen hours (seven, if you take out the sleep your kids will cut off at about six o'clock in the morning because they don't know where the Kindle is) to find a replacement. And now, health experts are telling us to turn our phones off at 10pm every night for a happier, healthier life! Obviously they've never been a Sunday cricket captain...

Yet, despite how off-putting that may sound to some, it's what us Sunday players have grown to love about the game at our level. It must be the macabre sense of humour those of us who are native Brits are born with; the place is crap, it's crumbling, it's decaying, but you know what? It's our decay. It's our rot; ours to take the mick out of. I grew up in a place where virtually everything was falling down when I was a kid, so it's all I've ever known. I'd probably hate ever going to Dubai, because there aren't any slagheaps or burnt-out Victorian foundries befouling the horizon. But today - Sunday; game day; cricket day - everything's going to be great. We're at home again, John Innes Rec in Wimbledon Chase, our Theatre of Dreams since 1908, and so are the other two Sunday teams. We're holding a T20 Tri-Series, and all three teams - the Wolves, the Rhinos and the Boars (my team) - are in combat. To top it off, we've got Janet, who is also our Fixture Secretary, doing the teas, so we're guaranteed wonderful food all day. It doesn't matter who's doing the teas, here at Merton they're always great. Just as well really, because if our batting's as unpalatable as last week, sausage rolls and jaffa cakes will be the only other solace on offer...

The initial prognosis wasn't great. The previous day, Saturday, was wet and miserable, so of course our two League teams play their games to their end (defeats, sadly). The covers had been put over the Sunday T20 strip, but naturally it was still quite sodden by the time the covers were rolled off. 9am, though, and a mini-army of players were on the ground with our roller-soaker and the pitch roller as well, to try and soak up as much as the previous day's moisture plus the morning dew. And then, horror of horrors, all of the players turned up on time! 36 players for a twelve-a-side tournament; some bleary-eyed, some horrendously hung-over, but they made it. We had the Sunday Wolves, captained by Arjun - the strongest of the three sides on paper. Then, there's the Sunday Rhinos, captained by Tom (an Aston Villa fan, for his pains), strong enough to go toe-to-toe with the Wolves. That leaves my team, the Sunday Boars. If you read the last blog, you'll remember that we're the weakest of the three teams, not that it bothers us at all - we were looking forward to giving an excellent account of ourselves, and maybe springing a surprise or two. Now, last year we were called the Sunday Tigers, but because we regularly played like the kind of tigers you find stuffed and mounted on castle walls up and down the United Kingdom, I thought it best we change our name. The Boar in our badge may well have x's for eyes at the end of the season...

So, today would be a T20 fest: Wolves v Rhinos v Boars, all games split by innings. First up, the Boars took on the Wolves and bowled first; myself, Johnathan, Alex M, Alex B, Rocky, Waleed, Dave, Hassan, Kaleem, Rob, Shakil and Atul. I have to say, the team spirit amongst my lot is immense; we knew we weren't fancied to do well, but it didn't stop us taking the field with a spring in our step.

I looked at the bowling at my disposal, and knew we'd create chances. And we did...the only problem was, bowling first on a wet outfield, that we were bowling with the kind of object so soapy that prisoners are traditionally warned not to bend over and pick it up in the shower. All in all we dropped around six catches; at the end of the Wolves innings, had we taken them all, we'd have bowled them out for around 80 and put them under enormous pressure. The pitch was slow again, and so the ball wasn't coming onto the bat. Shakil - aka the Shakattack - removed the two openers caught & bowled, but Raj and Taha put on 45 with some composed batting to blunt the Boars. Raj eventually succumbed for 49, which turned out to be the highest score of the day.
 As it was, the bowling was great and the fielding athletic; only two boundaries were struck in the first ten overs. The fielding was a revelation - at ten in the morning, regardless of your age or how much Voltarol you needed to rub on that morning, you're as agile as a cat. Two o'clock in the afternoon, however, and you collapse to the ground like a falling building in super slo-mo just reaching over to pick up a ball that's stopped rolling. Maybe we should start all our games this early, no matter how ungodly the hour may feel. The Wolves compiled 134-6 from their 20, and so Game 2 - Boars v Rhinos - started next, with Boars batting. Tom, their skipper, cunningly started with his slowest bowlers, Joe and Greg Gun (sorry Greg), and they soon made inroads into the Boars batting. I took a liking to Joe but tried one hit too many, and a hungover Tom managed to catch the right ball to send me on my way. Soon after that we were 21-4, with even Jack Ayling taking a wicket, but then Hassan and Waleed steadied things somewhat with a 20-run partnership. Hassan, just 15, turned out to be the star of the innings, unbeaten at the end with 27 as wickets tumbled all around him, and the Boars posted 78-9. Tom used eight bowlers and sportingly didn't unleash his big gun bowlers against us, keeping them fresh from the Wolves challenge to come.

Into Game 3 then, and the first innings of a great match-up: Rhinos versus Wolves. The Rhinos batted first as the Boars took a shine to the tea table and the comfy chairs, and found themselves under instant pressure as Paul The Wall nicked his third ball to the keeper off the bowling of Ben, our very own Stokesy. In fact, all the bowling was tight - in all, only three boundaries were hit, as well as a monster straight six from James P - and Jack was top-scorer with 19. 78-9 was their final total, exactly the same as the Boars; it was going to take some immense Rhinos bowling to peg the Wolves back later on.

With the first three innings of the three games completed, we returned to Game One - Wolves v Boars - for the innings of the Boars, chasing 135 to win and upset the form book. The batting order was moved around to give everyone a bat, and so Waleed and Rob opened. Sadly, Rob was the first of three batsmen dismissed for a duck by Sachin, as the Wolves bowlers showed their skills. There were some memorable moments; Atul and the Shakattack both clubbed big sixes to the square leg boundary, and Shakil made the highest Boars score of the the day with 30. Our innings ended at 83 - despite our shaky start, it was an improved score on our efforts against the Rhinos.

Back to Game Two, then, for innings #2 of Boars v Rhinos. We needed to bowl them out for less than 78 to win the game. They too rejigged their batting order, and the Boars - or, more specifically, Atul - made a blinding start. He's quick, he's accurate and he whipped out their first four batsmen with only 21 runs on the board, and in tandem with Kaleem he had the Rhinos pinned down. But Matt K was batting really well and, like Raj earlier in the day, never looked like getting out. He was the glue that held them together in the first ten overs, as the Boars bowlers kept on chipping away - Shakil, Rob and Hassan kept the pressure on until the very end. Ultimately it was Greg, with 26, and a cameo from Iain (enjoying his first day in Merton colours) who kept the Boars at bay and saw them past our score, but only just - great death bowling from Waleed and Alex B, the wicket-taking Grenadier, restricted them to 86-9.

And so, at 5pm, came the climax of the day: the Wolves innings against the Rhinos. Runs scored meant that the Rhinos would need to bowl out the Wolves for less than 34 to win the day, but Kuldeep made a solid 27 at the top of the order. Both teams went toe to toe, the Rhinos quick bowlers unleashing all the pace they'd held back during the day. Tom took 3-37 and was the only bowler to concede more than 14 runs, as Craig, Sam and Matt kept the pressure high and the scoring low. The pace of the game slowed as the intensity heightened, and the game was being watched and enjoyed by everyone else (apart from me; I was running the bar and having a shower). The Wolves ended up making 91-9, and a great day's cricket came to a close. The Wolves aggregate of 225 runs eclipsed the next-best Rhinos on 164, and then just a squeak behind were us Boars, with 161. Once the ground was closed down and everything put away, Tom bought a dozen beers and made most of his players drink them through a funnel, while us shy and retiring types disappeared into the clubhouse to escape such carnage.

Boars MVP - Hassan, for his runs, wickets and two great catches
Performance of the Day - Atul, 4-16, demolishing the Rhinos top order
Moment of the Day - Waleed, with a brilliant one-handed catch. He also flicked the ball up with his boot and caught it, which earned him a round of applause from the pavilion.

Rhinos MVP - as nominated by Tom, the whole team for a great all-round performance
Performance of the Day - Jack, for his innings of paddles, scoops and dabs
Moment of the Day - a juggling catch at slip between Matt and Jack

Wolves MVP/ Performance/ Moment - Raj, for his 49 runs, two wickets in one over and an amazing catch at long-on to give Arjun his first wicket in two years

Sledge of the Day - after Joe dropped a catch that, judging by the fleshy sound of ball slapping against chest, clearly missed his hands, the cry of "Use your hands next time, Joe - your boobs aren't big enough" rang out from the pavilion

So the T20 Tri-Series is deemed to have been a success. Less manic than the upcoming six-a-side tournament, but busy enough to keep everyone occupied without drifting off, it gave 36 players a game of cricket, two chances of batting in most cases, and a great chance to catch up with other players we might not see that often as they're with their respective teams. We didn't know how well the day would go, but it surpassed all expectations. I'm already looking forward to next year's.